I will find a way...

I am a very forgetful person when it comes to God's faithfulness. I, like the Israelites, am quick to forget God's future promises and His past performance in history and even in my own life.

The reality is that God is the one who pursues me for relationship. He was so intense in His pursuit that He found the most creative way to reach me. He sent Himself to me.

I'm reminded on this quiet morning, listening to Christmas songs, of God's faithfulness in finding a way to have a relationship with sinful old me. He is Emmanuel, God with us. I cannot offer a better Christmas gift to anyone than God has given to me.

So, as I finish making my purchases, wrap my presents and pack to go home to Kentucky, I'm reminded that there is no greater gift than the presence of Christ in my life. May I cling to that as I am so prone to wonder away from the reality of Christmas in my own life.

I wanted to share a song with you - it's become one of my favorites over the past year because I feel like it is so true to how God works. It is a Christmas song, but is appropriate for all seasons because of the truth it holds. I heard it for the first time last year at the Behold the Lamb of God concert at the Ryman. You can find it on the album Christmas by Andy Gullahorn and Jill Phillips. Enjoy!

I'm not who I was...

It's weird living in a place where almost all of the people I see every day have only known me for the last 5 months. My friends here have very little of an idea of where I came from - both literally and figuratively. They know what I do now, who I am today and how I came to be here, but not much beyond that. They haven't been a part of the first 30 years of this monumental journey that I've been on called life - which is true of me in their lives as well. I only know them as they are now - they're last 5 months of life and what they've shared of their pasts...

When I look at pictures of me now, I am still surprised that it's me. I'm still working to have my brain catch up to where my body is. In my head, I'm still who I was before - 80 pounds ago, unable to run a mile, unhealthy and unhappy but not sure how to make it better. The thing about making a new start in a new place is this - I've essentially been rebranded by proxy - my new friends know me as a runner, as a health conscious calorie counter and at the size I currently wear.

What I'm learning is that God makes all things new and He makes all things beautiful. A lyric from a favorite song of late says, "You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us." God is making me beautiful and I'm just now beginning to understand what that looks like and how He loves me so much that He changes me from the inside out. I'm finally in a place where I really want my outside beauty to match that inside that God has already made knew... And here's a taste of the result.

For those of you who have known me longer, you know how unusual it is for me to dress up (in an actual dress), wear makeup and jewelry, paint my nails and the like. Even just a year ago, I'm sure I wouldn't have had the confidence to pull off the ensemble I'm about to show you. :) But, I'm not who I was...

At my office Christmas party - Makeup, heels, nails! 

A Thanksgiving to Remember...

My Thanksgiving break didn't start exactly the way I had planned.

On Wednesday, I was off work and started my day with some errands I needed to run. I filled up my car's gas tank, went and got my race packet for the 10K Turkey Trot the next day and drove to Memorial Park for a short run before I completed my errands with a run to the grocery store.

My day was interrupted at Memorial when I arrived back at my car 35 minutes later to find my front passenger window broken out and my purse missing. Thankful that I run with my phone in an armband and my keys in my pocket, I unlocked the car to survey the damage and called 911. Police were dispatched and while I waited I called the bank and the credit card companies, my parents and texted several people to just ask them to pray. I felt sick inside and even stupid for leaving my purse in the car - even though it was shoved under the seat.

All told, I lost my driver license, about $8 in cash, all of my debit/credit cards, a small book of stamps, a Lowe's gift card, a pair of glasses and a pair of sunglasses... and other miscellaneous things that a girl keeps in her purse (pens, gum, lip gloss, etc).

I spent a huge portion of that day in task mode. I called the insurance company, I got my window repaired with help from my dad, I received a very generous wire transfer via Western Union from my mom... Even made it to Target to get a new wallet. At the end of the day, I was thankful that everything that was taken was just stuff - that in no way was I physically affected by what happened. My stuff can be replaced and is in the process of being replaced even now.

I was invited to go to Rockport, TX with my friend Amy for Thanksgiving to her roommate Julie's family celebration. I took the invite and spent a lovely evening at the beach with the Taylors and Amy - I got to feed some birds, hang out on the dock and see some stars, watch some football (the Texas vs. A&M game was especially intense)... and experienced the fullness of Texan hospitality. Thankful for the hospitality, good food, a good opportunity to rest and get away from the city.

Feeding the birds!

Sunset in Rockport.

Me and Amy.

 On Friday, I drove back to Houston to meet a friend and go to see the Festival of Lights at Moody Gardens in Galveston. It was fun to walk around and see the lights and to drive along the coast in Galveston and see the waves cresting. Thankful for new friends and new experiences!

Boot w/Yellow Rose of TX

Giraffes in lights.

And on Saturday, I finally used a Groupon I had bought to take Cy and her Nana to the Cockrell Butterfly Center at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. It was a great thing to do on a rainy and dreary day and we had fun exploring the exhibit and seeing all of the butterflies and other assorted bugs.

Butterfly in the butterfly refuge.

Moths!

Today I've spent as much time as possible at home, figuring out what I need to do to get a new driver license, calling the bank to dispute the charges made on my account (since they cleared finally) and just resting without the feeling that I need to be somewhere.  

I found many reasons to be thankful this Thanksgiving, even in the midst of the drama of what happened on Wednesday. Thankful that the God I trust has a plan for me, even when I can't fully understand it.

Thanks to everyone who prayed and sent kind words during this first holiday away from home... and to my parents who made sure that I was taken care of from 900 miles away. I'm looking forward to being home soon and seeing everyone! 26 days!

A Texas Sized Gratitude

Thanksgiving is right around the corner... and I'm nearly 900 miles away from home.

This is one of those times I wish I was a heel tap of a pair of ruby red slippers away from being home.

I've never spent a major holiday away from my family. I know this is a common thing that lots of people do, and as dysfunctional as my family can be sometimes, I still love them and wish I could be with them for the big (and every day) events of life.

I console myself with the fact that I'll be home in another month for almost 10 days. I have worked to plan some things this holiday weekend that could possibly become new traditions for me. I'm sure, at this point, you won't be surprised to know that one of them involves running (a 10K Turkey Trot!). 

I am going to spend some time drinking coffee, thinking, processing life and where I am and how I got here and where I'm going... and I'm going to spend as much time as possible being thankful for the things I do have!

So, in honor of Thanksgiving, I'm making my Texas-ish list of things I'm grateful for... 

I'm thankful that in the midst of this lonely-ish time in my life, God is renewing my relationship with Himself.

I'm thankful that through the wonders of technology, I get to talk to my friends and family face to face.

I'm thankful that I continue to meet new people and build new relationships with folks here. And in that, I'm thankful for BSF, the Sunday school class I've been going to and some of my awesome coworkers.

I'm thankful that I have some pre-move friends here in Texas.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to branch out and try new things I wouldn't have imagined doing a year ago (or less).

I'm thankful for my job (and that it allows me to be off work for 5 whole days)!

I'm thankful that my life here feels more normal and that the feeling of normalcy continues to grow. I don't wake up anymore feeling so out of place.

I'm thankful for my friends, my family and all of the people who enrich my life.

Most of all, I'm thankful that God is working and changing me every day. I'm thankful that I can look at this week, the next and the next and trust that God has a plan that He is working to complete in my life. I'm thankful for the truth of the Gospel and that my home isn't in Houston, or in Kentucky, but with Him. I'm thankful that Jesus is better. Better than what I can make for myself. Better than what the world can offer to me. Better than my idea of who He is.

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Monthly Miscellany

Some random things about life lately -

1. I'm learning a lot about potty training. We routinely potty train kids at work and this week, I got to see first hand as one of our kids (he's 2) got the hang of the potty. Day 1 was so full of accidents, we designated a chair for him to sit in so we would know which one to clean. Day 2 was still full of accidents, but at the end of the day, he finally peed on the potty. We were so ecstatic and enthusiastic in our response that EVERYONE in the building (and probably beyond) knew that he had done it AND he was slightly terrified. Days 3, 4 and 5 were accident free at work for him... My biggest take away is that positive reinforcement and sticking with the plan yield the best results. His parents were diligent in using the same plan we did, and he is succeeding because of it.... I'm interested to hear how the weekend went!

2. I am really enjoying running and ran in another race yesterday. It was the Energizer Night Race for a Brighter World. I ran 11k in a surprising 1:13:35, shattering my 10k personal record. The race swag was fabulous and included a long sleeve running shirt, a dog tag like finishers medal, a headlamp and some pink Energizer bunny ears. The post-race party was also pretty fabulous and included BBQ and beer for all runners. :)

Pre-race headlamp fitting.

Post-race bunny ear fitting.

3. I'm reading a book called The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd and it's kicking my butt. I recommend it to anyone who will listen and needs to take some time to get in touch with how God uses our emotions to bring us closer in our relationship with Him and with others and how we can be most in touch with who we are and how to live fully in light of that.

4. I went to the Italian Festival at Saint Thomas University a few weeks ago and enjoyed watching a grape stomping and eating some good food (the cannolis were the best). 

5. I finished my 60 day training period at work! Welcome to bonuses, benefits and vacation days! :)

6. Today I went to a Women's brunch with some people I met at church last Sunday. It was enjoyable and I feel like I connect well with that group and am looking forward to getting more involved at this particular church and in this particular Sunday school group. I'm excited to get plugged in and meet some more folks... and I'm exceedingly grateful for my friend Rebecca who connected me with this particular group!

7. I also participated in Houston's Walk Now for Autism Speaks! event a few weeks ago. I worked one of the bouncy houses that my company sponsored for the event. It was a long 3 hours of labor, helping kids get up the ladder to the slide - I spent most of my time actually inside the bouncy obstacle course ensuring safety and whatnot. It was a fun event and I got to see some of the kiddos from work with their families having a good time.

I'm sure there's more, but I'll spare you any more miscellaneous info... Til next time... 

Open my hands...

I love Sara Groves. She is a talented songwriter and musician and I greatly respect her work. When her latest album, Invisible Empires, came out, I knew I wanted it.

One song in particular from the album has been on repeat in my heart and mind over the last few weeks.

The song - Open My Hands - speaks very clearly of God's faithfulness and His desire to work ALL things in our lives for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). And He withholds no good thing from us (Psalm 84:10-12). The part that really gets to me is the chorus....

Because God withholds no good thing from me,

I will open my hands, will open my heart.
I will open my hands, will open my heart.
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes to all that You have for me. 

What does it mean for me to "nod my head an emphatic yes"? I'm not entirely sure. I know I'm on this journey of trust and risk that I wouldn't have imagined 10 months ago when I set forth my resolution for 2011 to fear less and risk more. I know that the last 10 months have brought me through disappointment and uncertainty but that even in those things He has been faithful. Even more so, the last 10 months have brought me deepened relationships and blessings that I can't describe because He is so faithful to me.

I want to nod my head an emphatic yes in obedience to what God is calling me to do, no matter what that looks like for me or how crazy the decisions that come from that may appear. I'm praying that He would show me what it means to be fully obedient to Him and to discover the true calling He has placed in my heart and on my life. I want to be transformed - just like the after photos from one of those P90X commercials - I want to grow in a way that not only is it obvious to me that God was at work, but that it is obvious to others.

I'm praying that I would trust His faithfulness and His promise to withhold no good thing from me as I pursue Him... and in doing so, that I would open my hands, open my heart and nod an emphatic yes to all that He has for me.

Half Marathon Finisher.

Today I was branded a finisher.

I have always struggled with finishing the things I start. There are stories all over this blog and in my life of things I've tried and then given up on - whether it be reading the Bible in a year or pursuing the deepest dreams of my heart. I would qualify today's run as a deeply and intensely spiritual experience for me because today God showed me that I am capable of way more than I ever could have imagined.

Today, I'm a finisher.

In January, I started training for a 5K. I finished it in March. The day I ran my first 5K, my friend Rebekkah was running the half marathon. I remember at the pasta dinner the night before thinking that a half marathon was something I would never be able to do or want to do. I'm pretty sure I even told her that she was insane. Little did I know that almost exactly 7 months later, I would do it.

Today, I'm a finisher.

The race started at 7 a.m. which required me to wake up at 5 so that I could eat something and get there and parked and such. It was dark when the National Anthem was sung and the race began. I watched the sunrise through the first 2 miles in downtown Houston. The first 3 or 4 miles were virtually painless and I felt compelled by the excitement of being in a race and all of the people around me pushed me to keep a good pace. The middle miles were hard and painful. I was motivated by getting to the next water/gatorade station and the thought that if I kept running, I would be finished sooner. Somewhere around the 11 mile mark, it got easier again... Adrenaline pumping... And when the finish line came into view, there was no stopping me - I heard someone yell "Chief!" and I looked to the sidelines and saw my people had surprised me there to cheer me to the end...

Today, I'm a finisher... And I have a medal to prove it. :)

A special thanks go out to the many people who have cheered me on in this and in so many other things. I am undeserving of the love you show me and yet you do it anyway. Countless times today I was reminded of how loved I am and gave thanks for you.

At the finish with my banner & medal!

Half of the dynamic duo at the finish line for me. Hands down best surprise of the day!